Tag Archives: love

Small-Large Things.

I’m having a hard time right now because I want to wrap myself into a pile of blankets and grimey yet comforting music and books and lull myself away into oblivion and avoid everyone but my sister and it’s so hard because life goes on and I must learn to keep momentum and I know that this is a run on sentence but that’s only because that’s how I feel like I’m living my life right now; in a series of run on sentences. 

 

With really long breaks inbetween. And then I lose the momentum. 

 

The scary thing is that no one thing  in particular has happened to make me feel like this. It was my 20th birthday on Monday and it was so wonderous, and right now the thought of class tomorrow is making me ill and I don’t want to be around people at all. 

BUT THEN, 

Goodness I feel so far from my person and I want to know who they are  and what small things make them smile and  please hurry up because I want to share so much with you. I know I’m young but honestly.. I know that you’re out there somewhere and I’ve so excited to meet you.  

I want to crawl somewhere and not be touched or disturbed or anything. 

I want to work in a bookstore and sell my own artwork there as well. Live in a cozy appartment down the street. 

Maybe be an art therapist, live down the street from a bookstore that I become a regular at and sell art to people in the bookstore. Go there on my days off. Have a cozy appartment. Enough room for friends. Loads of bookcases and space to make my art. 

My mind is a cluttered mess of the future and it won’t stop and I’m literally spinning back and forth between fear and excitement. I’m not sure what’s happening anymore.

Found this on the interwebs. It’s not mine, just thought I’d share the heck out of it.

Image 

 

It’s beyond fuckin’ rad. 

All my love, 

MidnightPulse


Shivering Spines (and drunken ramblings)

There’s solace in spinning and there’s solace in stillness and there’s solace in speaking and also not speaking and there’s solace in you.
Wherever you are.
I pray that I find you in this lifetime.
I miss you, so much.
I can’t wait to meet this version of you. ‘Cause I’ve known you before.
The wait is worth it.
Torturous, But necessary,

Because it will be 10x more enticing when we finally do.

But please. Take pity on me.
I can’t wait to meet you.

To know that we have plans without making plans.
To know I am to wake up with your body in the same bed as mine.
I know that you’re out there.
Somewhere.

And I’m fine until we do become one. I’m making art and living.
But your existence excites my core.
Excites my soul and my perspective on life.

Don’t go easy on me.
I’ve so much love bottled up and it’s waiting for you.
Take pity on me, and help me find you.
I miss you, so much.
I’m so excited to crash into you.

All mine and all yours, 

Midnight Pulse


Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I was deeply wounded last night by someone close to my heart. And I don’t know what to do from here; or rather; I know what I want but I know it’s not possible so I feel stuck. That makes more sense.

How do I proceed? I was bluntly told that I’m lovely and sweet and attractive and they’re happy when they’re with me and love making me smile.

But then I was told it isn’t going to work, not now. That I need to grow up. That I need to live more before we get back together. How do I … I’ve been trying for so long with this person. So long because of the faith I have in them and in the power and pull of us.

Neither can be apart from the other and they are the one making it complicated.

I shook a lot last night after being told this.

I’m not looking for advice I’m just looking for a place to sort myself and my thoughts out. Because it’s complicated and we’ll continue talking through the weekend if they are not working, even hang out if we both have a spare moment. This endless conversation may come up and it may not. We may just be content that the other exists somewhere inside the other despite the physical obstacles of us being together.

It’s hard to wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s hard. I want simple. I want beautiful.

Everything has it’s beauty, and they’re failing to see it.


Cold To The Bone

I just stormed in from outside after seeing a mind twisting play down town tonight. And it got me thinking in a lot of different ways I think.

There were many different elements that were mind boggling and questioning and bits of beauty with sprinkles of delight.

However, seeing as I do NOT want to turn my blog into a play review site, I’ll go on to talk about how it got me thinking, instead.

It got me thinking about how a lot of people really don’t live in the moment and how many people plan out each precise moment (me, specifically) and how wonderful it would be to let that go at least once in a while.

So I called someone while I was walking down a sketchy dark street so I didn’t feel lonely as I made my way to my own place. This is someone I text frequently, and am actually texting at this moment. I don’t call them that much though ’cause I worry I’m a bother and that phone conversations can get quiet. But why fear the quiet? I called them and we talked untill I got inside, shed my coat and starting to get my bed ready for sleep until which we hung up and decided to text until one of us fell asleep.

Which is what happens most of the time.

Now this isn’t a huge act of ‘living in the moment’ but it meant a lot to me ’cause I always over think when I call this person. And I shouldn’t because we’re so close and have been for … over two years now.

So I’m adding this to my New Years Resolution List. My rule is that you can always add to that list until the absolute LAST second of the year as long as you intend to accomplish it.

So dear YOU, dear WHOEVER THE PERSON OR PEOPLE READING THIS IS OR ARE, don’t regret and don’t forget to love and don’t forget to live and don’t forget to create, dance, scream and whisper.

Who am I to be telling you what to do?

I’m MidnightPulse. Many call me Joy.

Just don’t call me too late.

xo. 

Joy


Where are you now?

Where are you now?

A question I constantly ask myself. While it’s good to be lost, and I love being lost it’s helpful to check in, even where you’re lost. I paint a lot when I’m lost.
But, to that one particular person, where are you now? And why aren’t we together?


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