A Thing About Other Things

Dear World … 

I am not shattered. I am a willing and able body with hopes thoughts and dreams. I have aspirations and wishful thinking. I paint, read and overthink much of my life. I’m young, but I’m determined (most of the time? some of the time?). I have impact. I have feelings. I can’t sing but that doesn’t stop me. I explore my creativity and read all the time (too much of the time?). 

I hope that you remember this. Fuck, I hope that I remember this. Because I’m strong, gosh damn it. So strong and capable. Fuck with me all you want, cause even though I break down does not mean that I no longer exist. It means that I am waiting for my moment to strike. For my moment to make my next move. 

Midnight Shenanigans? Midnight Hope. Midnight Dreams. Dawn Beginnings. 

Dear PersonIHaven’tMetYet … 

I hope that you’re happy, who ever you are. And I hope that when we’re both ready, we find each other. Be happy and make mistakes until then. Fuck, make mistakes when you meet me and as we’re growing old together. Once we’re together nothing will separate us. When life is glum remember that I’m out here somewhere, and I promise to try and remember that you’re out there somewhere, as well. I look forward to shaking your hand, you hugging me from behind, me holding onto you, kisses on the cheek, midnight talks, eating oranges and cuddling with you. 

I look forward to it. ( All mine and all yours )

All my love, me. 

 

 

Who am I to confess my deepest desires to you? 

I’m MidnightPulse. 

I hope you have beautiful dreams tonight. 

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I’m Not Your Hero

I’ve just been thinking that I’ve been thinking too much lately.

If I could empty my head of these thoughts and lay them out several massive gymnasiums would be necessary.

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They may be entertaining, but lately a large mesh of dark and colours would be evident. My brain seems to be doing it’s own thang. And that means that my thoughts are all jumpity. Yeah.

Hope your Tuesday has been hopeful.

Tegan and Sara are my buddies for the week I think. They’re helping me a lot.

I should go paint.

All yours and all mine, 

Joy

I have a mission for you, go do something FANCY. Anything. Then write it down somewhere (Facebook doesn’t count. Don’t post it on Facebook) and then tell 2 people. Then go do something fancy with them.

Who am I to dare you?

I’m MidnightPulse. Many call me Joy.

Just don’t call me too late.

PS: If you really (by you I mean anyone reading this) do anything by your own definition of ‘fancy’ (any meaning you want, seriously, be creative-or not-fancy can be NOT taking out the trash if you’re  a neat person or doing it if you are – seriously guys the bar couldn’t be any lower just do SOMETHING) TELL ME ABOUT IT AND DARE ME BACK. OKAY? OKAY. Pictures are also welcome. Very much welcome. Very. Much. 


Steaming Cup O’ Tea

Everything is different now. I’m different. My life is different. My dreams are different. 

Except that they’re not. And I don’t understand how that’s possible. Maybe my perspectives and .. something else changed but  everything else is the same but because of that one change everything else appears to be different and it appears to be a chaotic, messy, slimy, hurtful mess that makes me want to run. But it’s okay, because it’s only the way that I’m looking at things. 

So if I were to calm down, that would make sense. If I were to calm down and take life for what it is and look at the daunting tasks of what I have to  do as simply a TO-DO LIST, then maybe things will calm down. Because life isn’t chaotic, I just think it’s chaotic. 

 

WHOA. 

 

Okay, well that makes sense to me. Does it make sense to you? Hmmm. 

I need to spend more time laying down. The floor is a brilliant place to lie down but I don’t think that I lay there enough and just let my flesh melt into that floor as it comes up to support and meet me. Maybe from there life won’t seem so menacing, at least that’s what I’m hoping. 

Picture some candles lit around you as you lay down (no where near your gorgeous hair, don’t worry) and your favourite scent is surrounding you. Your dream tea is steaming not too far away and you can see your negative thoughts being pulled out and thrown out the window into a pit. How wonderful does that sound? So wonderful. 

I get sick to my stomach with grief of tasks sometimes. So sick with worry and nerves. I’m strong, but I lose myself in those moments. I wish that I had a map by now.

I’m going to go read now, I’ve been doing a beautiful amount of reading lately. 

All yours and all mine, 

Joy 

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xo


Mountains of Oranges .. or .. Orange-You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana?

Think about peeling an orange.

How it gets under your finger nails and the juice sprays onto your pyjama shirt that you still haven’t changed out of. The peel and juice turns your nails a slight orange colour, which, though stings, is worth it to get to the fruit.

Ohhh, and that first bite. How juicy it is. How it squishes in your mouth and burns your lips when they’re chapped. And how when you have that large orange how rewarding it is after all of that work peeling that tasty orange. Smacking your lips to get that last bit of juice and those little grinds in between your teeth that are always so unavoidable.

This is your life.

This is my life.

And this cat? He/She is rooting for you.


Spilling the Beans

“Don’t go into darkness, darkness will always come. Always go towards the light.”   Very wise words of my voice teacher today in class. I’m currently on lunch break and felt it necessary to sit against my locker; eat my rice and salad, drink my water, do my voice log and post a post to sort things out.

I’m not sure where to start.

Let’s start at the end.

I’m tumbling through life at the moment. I’m tumbling through others words and getting lost in my own. That’s a very fine and poetic way to explain it but it gives others no idea what is actually happening. I’m sliding in a tunnel of mischief and mayhem when it comes to him.. I’m learning that backing off of him isn’t doing myself any good because there is no reaction from him that I’m aware of because of an awful lack of contact. Hmmm. I’ve thought about forgetting but then I find myself lost in the realm of thinking so often of how to forget and what I need to be doing to forget and it’s this really gosh awful circle of confusion and mix ups and confusions and not knowing which way is up and which way is down.

But then again, I’m getting really good at thinking about forgetting.

It’s an awfully glum day today. There’s rain mixing with snow and clouds drifting over the sun and no apologies what so ever.  And as I sit up against my locker listening to Emily and the Woods I have hope. I have hopes of speaking on voice (don’t worry about it), I have hopes of finding the person eventually that I’m meant to be with eternally and I have hopes about my existence – it’s affects on others and internal affects of other existences.

In in my mind I make the world much bigger than it is.  I take things head on collisions which isn’t always negative but it can be overwhelming.

Calm down, Joy, you’ll make it through this, you can make it through anything.

Thank you. I needed that.

Life is beautiful and bright and vibrant and grand, just open your eyes up a little further. It isn’t all bad.

All yours and all mine, 

Joy. 

PS:

Life is busy and complicated with school and antics but I’m doing my best to write. And all writers know how  good writing feels. It lifts my soul of burdens and allows my heart to spit out what I’ve been gnawing on lately. Thanks for every drop of support you give, it means an ocean to me.

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My heart right now …

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Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I was deeply wounded last night by someone close to my heart. And I don’t know what to do from here; or rather; I know what I want but I know it’s not possible so I feel stuck. That makes more sense.

How do I proceed? I was bluntly told that I’m lovely and sweet and attractive and they’re happy when they’re with me and love making me smile.

But then I was told it isn’t going to work, not now. That I need to grow up. That I need to live more before we get back together. How do I … I’ve been trying for so long with this person. So long because of the faith I have in them and in the power and pull of us.

Neither can be apart from the other and they are the one making it complicated.

I shook a lot last night after being told this.

I’m not looking for advice I’m just looking for a place to sort myself and my thoughts out. Because it’s complicated and we’ll continue talking through the weekend if they are not working, even hang out if we both have a spare moment. This endless conversation may come up and it may not. We may just be content that the other exists somewhere inside the other despite the physical obstacles of us being together.

It’s hard to wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s hard. I want simple. I want beautiful.

Everything has it’s beauty, and they’re failing to see it.


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