Category Archives: Recorded Addictions

Shivering Spines (and drunken ramblings)

There’s solace in spinning and there’s solace in stillness and there’s solace in speaking and also not speaking and there’s solace in you.
Wherever you are.
I pray that I find you in this lifetime.
I miss you, so much.
I can’t wait to meet this version of you. ‘Cause I’ve known you before.
The wait is worth it.
Torturous, But necessary,

Because it will be 10x more enticing when we finally do.

But please. Take pity on me.
I can’t wait to meet you.

To know that we have plans without making plans.
To know I am to wake up with your body in the same bed as mine.
I know that you’re out there.
Somewhere.

And I’m fine until we do become one. I’m making art and living.
But your existence excites my core.
Excites my soul and my perspective on life.

Don’t go easy on me.
I’ve so much love bottled up and it’s waiting for you.
Take pity on me, and help me find you.
I miss you, so much.
I’m so excited to crash into you.

All mine and all yours, 

Midnight Pulse


I’m Not Your Hero

I’ve just been thinking that I’ve been thinking too much lately.

If I could empty my head of these thoughts and lay them out several massive gymnasiums would be necessary.

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They may be entertaining, but lately a large mesh of dark and colours would be evident. My brain seems to be doing it’s own thang. And that means that my thoughts are all jumpity. Yeah.

Hope your Tuesday has been hopeful.

Tegan and Sara are my buddies for the week I think. They’re helping me a lot.

I should go paint.

All yours and all mine, 

Joy

I have a mission for you, go do something FANCY. Anything. Then write it down somewhere (Facebook doesn’t count. Don’t post it on Facebook) and then tell 2 people. Then go do something fancy with them.

Who am I to dare you?

I’m MidnightPulse. Many call me Joy.

Just don’t call me too late.

PS: If you really (by you I mean anyone reading this) do anything by your own definition of ‘fancy’ (any meaning you want, seriously, be creative-or not-fancy can be NOT taking out the trash if you’re  a neat person or doing it if you are – seriously guys the bar couldn’t be any lower just do SOMETHING) TELL ME ABOUT IT AND DARE ME BACK. OKAY? OKAY. Pictures are also welcome. Very much welcome. Very. Much. 


Mountains of Oranges .. or .. Orange-You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana?

Think about peeling an orange.

How it gets under your finger nails and the juice sprays onto your pyjama shirt that you still haven’t changed out of. The peel and juice turns your nails a slight orange colour, which, though stings, is worth it to get to the fruit.

Ohhh, and that first bite. How juicy it is. How it squishes in your mouth and burns your lips when they’re chapped. And how when you have that large orange how rewarding it is after all of that work peeling that tasty orange. Smacking your lips to get that last bit of juice and those little grinds in between your teeth that are always so unavoidable.

This is your life.

This is my life.

And this cat? He/She is rooting for you.


Spilling the Beans

“Don’t go into darkness, darkness will always come. Always go towards the light.”   Very wise words of my voice teacher today in class. I’m currently on lunch break and felt it necessary to sit against my locker; eat my rice and salad, drink my water, do my voice log and post a post to sort things out.

I’m not sure where to start.

Let’s start at the end.

I’m tumbling through life at the moment. I’m tumbling through others words and getting lost in my own. That’s a very fine and poetic way to explain it but it gives others no idea what is actually happening. I’m sliding in a tunnel of mischief and mayhem when it comes to him.. I’m learning that backing off of him isn’t doing myself any good because there is no reaction from him that I’m aware of because of an awful lack of contact. Hmmm. I’ve thought about forgetting but then I find myself lost in the realm of thinking so often of how to forget and what I need to be doing to forget and it’s this really gosh awful circle of confusion and mix ups and confusions and not knowing which way is up and which way is down.

But then again, I’m getting really good at thinking about forgetting.

It’s an awfully glum day today. There’s rain mixing with snow and clouds drifting over the sun and no apologies what so ever.  And as I sit up against my locker listening to Emily and the Woods I have hope. I have hopes of speaking on voice (don’t worry about it), I have hopes of finding the person eventually that I’m meant to be with eternally and I have hopes about my existence – it’s affects on others and internal affects of other existences.

In in my mind I make the world much bigger than it is.  I take things head on collisions which isn’t always negative but it can be overwhelming.

Calm down, Joy, you’ll make it through this, you can make it through anything.

Thank you. I needed that.

Life is beautiful and bright and vibrant and grand, just open your eyes up a little further. It isn’t all bad.

All yours and all mine, 

Joy. 

PS:

Life is busy and complicated with school and antics but I’m doing my best to write. And all writers know how  good writing feels. It lifts my soul of burdens and allows my heart to spit out what I’ve been gnawing on lately. Thanks for every drop of support you give, it means an ocean to me.

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Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I was deeply wounded last night by someone close to my heart. And I don’t know what to do from here; or rather; I know what I want but I know it’s not possible so I feel stuck. That makes more sense.

How do I proceed? I was bluntly told that I’m lovely and sweet and attractive and they’re happy when they’re with me and love making me smile.

But then I was told it isn’t going to work, not now. That I need to grow up. That I need to live more before we get back together. How do I … I’ve been trying for so long with this person. So long because of the faith I have in them and in the power and pull of us.

Neither can be apart from the other and they are the one making it complicated.

I shook a lot last night after being told this.

I’m not looking for advice I’m just looking for a place to sort myself and my thoughts out. Because it’s complicated and we’ll continue talking through the weekend if they are not working, even hang out if we both have a spare moment. This endless conversation may come up and it may not. We may just be content that the other exists somewhere inside the other despite the physical obstacles of us being together.

It’s hard to wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s hard. I want simple. I want beautiful.

Everything has it’s beauty, and they’re failing to see it.


Cold To The Bone

I just stormed in from outside after seeing a mind twisting play down town tonight. And it got me thinking in a lot of different ways I think.

There were many different elements that were mind boggling and questioning and bits of beauty with sprinkles of delight.

However, seeing as I do NOT want to turn my blog into a play review site, I’ll go on to talk about how it got me thinking, instead.

It got me thinking about how a lot of people really don’t live in the moment and how many people plan out each precise moment (me, specifically) and how wonderful it would be to let that go at least once in a while.

So I called someone while I was walking down a sketchy dark street so I didn’t feel lonely as I made my way to my own place. This is someone I text frequently, and am actually texting at this moment. I don’t call them that much though ’cause I worry I’m a bother and that phone conversations can get quiet. But why fear the quiet? I called them and we talked untill I got inside, shed my coat and starting to get my bed ready for sleep until which we hung up and decided to text until one of us fell asleep.

Which is what happens most of the time.

Now this isn’t a huge act of ‘living in the moment’ but it meant a lot to me ’cause I always over think when I call this person. And I shouldn’t because we’re so close and have been for … over two years now.

So I’m adding this to my New Years Resolution List. My rule is that you can always add to that list until the absolute LAST second of the year as long as you intend to accomplish it.

So dear YOU, dear WHOEVER THE PERSON OR PEOPLE READING THIS IS OR ARE, don’t regret and don’t forget to love and don’t forget to live and don’t forget to create, dance, scream and whisper.

Who am I to be telling you what to do?

I’m MidnightPulse. Many call me Joy.

Just don’t call me too late.

xo. 

Joy


Sweet Nothings

I want to write before I go to sleep tonight. I want to write to tell him how frustrated he makes me. I want to write to tell myself that I’m strong enough without him. I want to write to ask myself why I’m still around him.

Addictions.

So many deadly forms.

People. Drugs. Music. Alcohol. Painting. Writing. Smoking. Dancing. Cutting. Eating.

I’ve danced with my own demons and everyone has and nobody has the same track record. I’m not saying that I’ve done everything or anything on that brief list but nobody is perfect.

I’m going to go to sleep hopefully and wake up refreshed and spend my day in the studio proudly doing the work that I love.

I’m happy with the stage of life that I am in and happy with who I have now chosen to surround myself with. I’m happy that I’m finding ways to not be so lonely now that I’m living on my own. I’m happy that he’s still in my life and that she isn’t (and isn’t it so confusing how life works out like that?).

Sweet dreams, sweet nothings, sweet lullabies and sweet love.

All yours and all mine, 

JoyImage


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