Everything is different now. I’m different. My life is different. My dreams are different.
Except that they’re not. And I don’t understand how that’s possible. Maybe my perspectives and .. something else changed but everything else is the same but because of that one change everything else appears to be different and it appears to be a chaotic, messy, slimy, hurtful mess that makes me want to run. But it’s okay, because it’s only the way that I’m looking at things.
So if I were to calm down, that would make sense. If I were to calm down and take life for what it is and look at the daunting tasks of what I have to do as simply a TO-DO LIST, then maybe things will calm down. Because life isn’t chaotic, I just think it’s chaotic.
Okay, well that makes sense to me. Does it make sense to you? Hmmm.
I need to spend more time laying down. The floor is a brilliant place to lie down but I don’t think that I lay there enough and just let my flesh melt into that floor as it comes up to support and meet me. Maybe from there life won’t seem so menacing, at least that’s what I’m hoping.
Picture some candles lit around you as you lay down (no where near your gorgeous hair, don’t worry) and your favourite scent is surrounding you. Your dream tea is steaming not too far away and you can see your negative thoughts being pulled out and thrown out the window into a pit. How wonderful does that sound? So wonderful.
I get sick to my stomach with grief of tasks sometimes. So sick with worry and nerves. I’m strong, but I lose myself in those moments. I wish that I had a map by now.
I’m going to go read now, I’ve been doing a beautiful amount of reading lately.
All yours and all mine,